Merry Christmas?

When he was released, his mother planned on sending him directly to me on a plane so we can get him set up for rehab, and it ended up that she sent him back down to Florida the day before christmas eve so we could spend the holidays together. Unfortunately she didn’t tell him she thought he was still getting high even straight from jail.

I cried my whole way to the airport. My heart broken and torn. I was scared, not for me, but for him. I loved him so much and I only wanted the best for him but I didn’t know what to do to make sure he got better.

So we spent christmas eve and day at my dads condo in Boca. I will never forget when me and my ex were finally intimate when he was back and it was cold and empty. I’ve never felt so dirty… it just didn’t feel right. I had to go to work the day after christmas and left him home to plan his next steps for going to rehab as it was court ordered, but I don’t think he had any intentions to making any steps to go. I arrived home from work that night finding a few suspicious things; money was missing from my christmas gifts and he was the only one home and he was dressed in boxers, slippers and a fitted cooking at 11pm at night. (not to mention the horrible taste of the food :/) I knew he was high the minute I saw him and that terrible pit feeling in my stomach returned full swing. I tried not to make it obvious because I didn’t know how he was going to react and I figured power in numbers would be better. I barely slept that night and left for work in the morning calling his many friends who I hoped would help me confront him and called the rehab to set up a drop off. From the look of things I wasn’t sure anyone would show up, but 3 good friends did. Today we call this the intervention.

When he got home he was fishing behind our apartment and we thought to wait for him but when he wasn’t coming up we went to him. Of course he denied it and stormed off and ran up to the apartment. We followed him up and he continue to deny it, being unwilling to talk. He packed a bag and locked himself in the bathroom, when we heard a pop. He was getting high in there. He was texting me from the bathroom in our bedroom saying he just wanted me and one of his best friends to stay and he would finally go. Once everyone else left he took his sweet time packing a bag and eating before he left. He made jokes about hiding drugs up his ass while we were driving him there that we thought were untrue. Come to find out it wasn’t false. It may sound funny now but it’s actually just an example of where this disease of addiction can take you. Merry Christmas to all and a trip to rehab we go..

Relapse

Once a relapse happens there is no way to know where life is going to take you. The road is as bumpy and has so many turns as a back dirt road.. maybe even worse and thats exactly what happened here. My ex went back to NJ and I wanted to see the best in him. I didn’t think at first that he was getting high but once he was in NJ things got weird. He really started exhibiting relapse behaviors. He was calling me all day and night, being overly affectionate, and texting me storybook size messages about our life and how he wanted to marry me. Many girls would be happy for this behavior.. and yes I did appreciate the occasional flower delivers but this was not the boyfriend I knew. He was even sending rings to my sister to choose for me. I has been planning a trip up north to see him for a week and as soon as I spent a little time with him I knew the truth. He wasn’t intimate (probably due to the drugs he would be unable to get it up lol so he thought by not doing anything at all would distract me? nice try!) and he wouldn’t leave me alone with his sister or any of his family member (apparently too scared that we would discuss the real issue at hand). The thing is I loved this guy, with all my heart and soul and it killed me to see him in pain and slowly killing himself. He is better than all this, I thought, he knows what to do, he just needs to do it. Finally I spoke with his sister and his mother and we were able to sit down and confront him and get him to agree to go to detox. I thought this may be the end of the problem, that he just needed a fresh start, to regroup and throw himself back into the program but it wasn’t that simple.

When he got released from detox he agreed that after meeting with his probation officer he would stay with my mom up in PA. And he did just that. Little did we know he would continue using the whole time; getting deliveries from NJ and when he went back to meet his probation officer he would pick up. Things took a turn for worse when he finally had to go to court and he was high as a kite, thinking he wouldn’t have to be drug tested because he saw his probation officer the day before. With a hunch that things weren’t going to go smoothly I had his insurance ran at a rehab facility back down in florida so hopefully they wouldn’t send him to jail and give him a 2nd .. or 5th chance. Luckily that agreed to this as a plan for after he spent another 2 weeks behind bars, but at least there was a plan right?